5 Statements a Great Leader Never Says (Part 1)
Most of us in leadership truly have the desire to be a great leader… sometimes we just need a little help. Being a great leader takes courage and humility. As Brené Brown says in her new book, Dare to Lead, “You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability.”
The following are statements I’ve heard leaders say in times of company transitions or low morale. In reality, saying these things to your employees has shown to cause a lower level of psychological safety, lack of trust in leadership, and lower motivation from employees to do their best work for your company. While you may sometimes feel frustrated as a leader, consider thinking through what you’re going to say or how you’re going to respond to a team member’s questions instead of responding out of anger, shame, or pride. Use this checklist to ensure you’re ready to give quality feedback.
A great leader never says:
1) “You’re either on the bus or you’re not.”
It’s discouraging for a leader to tell their team members, “this is just the way it is” without giving them an opportunity to ask questions, offer input, or respectfully challenge their ideas. Many times, leaders announce a major company change without having polled the staff or gotten ideas from people in all levels of the organization. While it’s important to make sure you have a consensus from your employees about the next steps your company is taking, it’s also extremely important to help them get on board, instead of forcing or threatening them if they chose not to blindly support your decision. A study found that companies that promoted collaborative working and decision making were 5 times as likely to be high performing. Therefore, if you’re a leader who wants to have a high performing team, you must embrace collaborative decision making.
2) “Maybe next year we’ll have a high-performing team.” (said passive aggressively)
Leaders who say passive-aggressive statements like this one are bound to fail and lose the respect of their team members. As this Inc. article puts it, a great leader passes the credit and takes the blame. It is hurtful for a team to hear that their leader thinks they have failed, especially after working incredibly hard during their busy season. Great leaders support their team, celebrate wins, forgive losses, and help guide their team to learn for their mistakes. It’s also important to always share clear expectations as a way to evoke trust from one’s team members and to set the standard of what you are looking for from your employees.
3) “These millennials are so entitled/lazy/whiney — they just need to change their attitude!”
There are many problems with this statement. First, a leader who says something like this is assuming the intentions of other people instead of believing the best in them. When we assume positive intent from others, it helps us prepare our hearts and minds to open talk with them and seek to understand their perspectives (shout out to the Stephen Covey principle here ‘Seek First to Understand’). A good step to take when you’re feeling judgemental of someone else’s behavior is to talk with them privately to ask questions and understand their perspective.
Secondly, stereotyping anyone based on age or other demographics isn’t something great leaders do. Again, seeking to understand team members’ behavior is vital to team success -- which ultimately feeds into company success. Using a science-based tool like The Predictive Index can help you understand people on your team through learning about their behavioral drives.
4) “Do not share anything about your compensation with other coworkers.”
Understandably, this is a controversial one. However, research shows that when coworkers share how much they are being compensated at work with one another it helps prevent inequity based on gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. “Open discussion of salaries among peers and co-workers, experts said, is a powerful tool to fight pay inequity. Not only does it serve both selfish and altruistic means — it simultaneously puts you and your co-workers in a better position during salary negotiations — but pay transparency can even protect companies by ‘minimizing the risk of disparate treatment claims and increasing job satisfaction for workers’…” NY Times. It is legal to tell others what your salary is at work, and employers should not be telling you otherwise.
5) “We’re going to have to have glue their asses to the chairs!” or “Well, hold their feet to the fire!”
Using violent language such as this above can quickly deteriorate motivation from your employees. Instead, consider using language that helps your team members feel understood and cared for. Try: “What can I do to help you be successful?” or “What motivates you best at work?” These are open-ended questions that are disarming and can show that you truly care about your employees. “Employees who felt they worked in a loving, caring culture reported higher levels of satisfaction and teamwork,” according to a study cited by HBR. Why does this matter? Well, first of all, it’s the right thing to do, and secondly, employees who have higher levels of satisfaction see sales increase by 37%, productivity by 31%, and accuracy on tasks by 19%. Showing love to your employees is good for business.
To be continued… Thanks to all who replied to my Instagram post seeking examples of what leaders should never say. Go to @vaxacollective or @haleybizgrayless to see the story highlights and read the comments.
Courtesy of brenebrown.com